I woke up that morning at 5:15 a.m., threw on a pair of running shoes and hit the pavement. I didn’t get very far. I went down the street to South Park, where Rob proposed. I looped around the park three or four times before ending up on the stone bridge where just a year earlier I saw my future husband down on one knee.
The whole day I was hiding behind a smile. Yes, I was happy. But I was waiting for the moment I walked down the aisle to be over. I am emotional – I cry at commercials and episodes of “Glee.” I just needed the second verse of “Come What May,” to begin already.
Moments before my mom brought me aside and said, “I need to talk to you.”
“Shut up, mom! Don’t make me cry!”
I just told my mom to shut up. But if there’s one day you get to yell at your family I guess it’s your wedding day. I still wonder about what she might have said if I allowed her to speak. Nope, I was wearing eight layers of mascara and fake eyelashes and oh yeah, bright blue eyeshadow. Clown tears. I would have shed clown tears.
Finally, it’s time to walk down the staircase. My mom and dad are in place. The doors open and I walk out on the downbeat.
Be careful what you wish for. All the planning, all the will-this-ever-end moments of picking out fake flowers and finding the right shade of navy ribbon just days before the ceremony are over. And then somehow it’s five months into your marriage already. You’ve had big fights – big, BIG, fights. You’re living in a different city, working a different job, have a dog to take care of…
Back to the day. I was fighting back tears when I approached the last row of seats. And no, it wasn’t because it was an 85-degree day in July and my legs were sweating so bad it felt like there was a tsunami underneath my dress.
Was Rob going to think I was beautiful? More importantly, were my guests going to think I was the “most beautiful bride?” (Don’t judge me). Were people going to “get” my newspaper-themed centerpieces and escort cards? My mind was racing. I couldn’t look up.
Erin, this is your wedding day! You’re only chance (*fingers crossed*) to walk down the aisle.
So, I looked up.
At this moment, I think my mom and dad are behind me but I’m not sure. I’m half-laughing, half-crying, half-trying-to-smile-so-my-pictures-are-Facebook worthy (OK, you can judge me). I know that’s too many halves but I do get points for walking in high-heels on grass and NOT falling.
Like that walk, in marriage there are times when you laugh, cry – keep it all inside in case someone else is watching. And then there are moments when you look at the person who was standing at the end of the aisle on that day and think, “There is not anyone else in the world I could possibly love more.”
It’s far from perfect. But this is our Ever After.